I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Let's get the cat blown out
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