I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
