Writing my paper on freud at bar
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Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
