he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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