sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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