The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
