whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize