We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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