On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just forgot I was standing up.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize