I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
