Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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