The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
