tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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