the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
