i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
