i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
