he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
