This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
