All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
