you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
