I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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