This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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