Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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