Why are handjobs necessary in class?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
