We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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