You're completely useless in the revolution.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
