I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
