Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
