went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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