If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
