The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
