If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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