I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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