I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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