You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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