my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
