she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize