just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
