Your dad touched me again.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
