Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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