So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
