I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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