i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Your dad touched me again.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
