Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
