Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
