awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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