I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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