I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
