Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
