i just had sex bonerless
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
