we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
