I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I am naked and annoyed.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
