My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
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