We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
