You made me cry and you don't even care
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
