I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
