We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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