wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
