Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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