After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
