I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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