he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize