We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Two words: blizzard sex
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
