He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
